I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
