Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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