When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
