Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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