I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
