its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
