By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize