also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
