she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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