Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
