so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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