If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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