Porn is love you can see.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
so let's talk penis.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
