Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I need water and some morals
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
