I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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