apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
