Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
