I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
