whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
