we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
