We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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