in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
