we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
i came on her dog
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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