Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
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