She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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