he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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