someone get that fucking seahorse.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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