My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
