I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize