I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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