so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
