You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
PANTIES FOUND
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