I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
