Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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