My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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