Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
