I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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