Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
