I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
