I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
