My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
