Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
