i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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