belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize