Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
