he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
