But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
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