i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
