he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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