She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
