Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
