I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
