I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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