Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
