it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
honey bunches of taint.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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