I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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