im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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