I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
