Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Randomize
