it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
You ate ashes out of my bong
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