Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
