This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I would fuck him just for his dog
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
