it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
