dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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