nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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