I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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