Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
