My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
