Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
