I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
